People and eggs, in a sexy way

People are still into egg-laying hentai, as much as they ever were.

Worldsex is also still very popular.

And, there's this picture from my blog that keeps pulling people into this site.  The picture isn't still on here.  It's the picture where I am kissing a llama, surrounded by donkeys.  It's not a dirty kiss; it's a sweet kiss.  I'm feeding them all tangerines in the picture.  It turned out that horsey/llama-ey things are not into citrus.  For future reference.

Anyway.

That picture is pulling people in through a google image search, and must be listed in a link somewhere.  I can only assume that it's the zoophiliacs.  Or would it be zoophiles?

I don't mind, really.  It's flattering.  Don't you think?

I would post the picture again for you now, but I am not on my home computer.  I promise to post it later on.  Maybe I'll put up some more sweet animal pictures for the zoophiliacs/philes.

ps - someone recently found us by typing in "ZOOPHILIA INSECTS."  Have you any idea how that works out?  My guess is - not good.  At least, not good for the insect.

The Director General of the WHO is spending some time in Azerbaijan.  Checking things out.

Here's the Wikipedia page on Azerbaijan:

mysteriousbirdfluland

I tried to find something exciting about Azerbaijan on which to expound, but nothing, thus far, has inspired me.  I'm not so into country facts, though, so please don't be insulted, people of Azerbaijan.

The reason I'm telling you all about WHO dude in Azb. is this - it seems there may have been some interesting human clusters of H5N1 infection in the area.  But that's all hush-hush.  Please keep it on the down-low.  Please also ignore any indications of other clusters or H2H in, say, Iraq, or Turkey.  Or Egypt.  Really, it's best to ignore the entire African continent, as far as H5N1 goes.  Pay no attention, unless you're watching to seen when birdflu might switch into panflu.

Panflu - very likely coming to a town near you, probably sometime in the next twenty years.  Or twenty weeks.  Give or take.

Thank you.  Goodbye.

ps - you all know that birdflu will be coming to your town within the next year, yes?  And you all know the difference between panflu and birdflu, yes?

pps - If you do not know the answer to the second question, here it is:

Birdflu is H5N1 that is sorta going steady with birds.  Broadly speaking, other influenza viruses found in birds may also be called birdflu.  Birdflu is making some people sick right now, but those are just little flings that haven't meant much to H5N1.

H5N1 loves the birds, birds all over the world, and will soon be loving birds in your area.  Its love for birds cannot be contained.

People are quite charming, though, and H5N1 might decide to start going steady with people.  It may or may not break up with birds first.

When H5N1 is going steady with people, and its love is not confined to a specific geographical area, we'll be experiencing a pandemic.

Epidemic is smaller than pandemic.  Pandemics are often worldwide.  "Pan" means all, and "demic" comes from demos, which means...people.  It's like, all Greek and Latin and stuff.

Thus, birdflu becomes panflu.

Thank you for reading this far.

I hereby formally take issue with the adage:  If life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

To make lemonade, one must have sugar.  Where is one to get the sugar?  What if one has no sugar?  What if life has supplied only lemons?  There is no mention of life handing over any sugar before, during, or after the acquisition of the lemons.

I know some may think that I am missing the point.  If so, then they're missing my point.  Please tell me where this sugar is supposed to come from, and please don't say "the soul" or some other intangible-type answer.  We're working with things that can be observed with the senses - lemons, sugar, and lemonade.

Lemons  +  x  =  Lemonade.

Please solve for x, and show your proof.  Where, pray tell, does this mysterious x come from?

Thank you.

Nobody comes to this blog anymore.

Sigh.  Is that because I took off half of the posts, and therefore have no more links from porn sites?  Is that because there are half the porn-suggestive words?  Have I unwittingly broken ties with the urolagnia community?

I dreamt about going to a bondage club last night.  It was this one I went to maybe two or three times before, with this person I knew who liked to wear a sweater vest.  Usually, his sweater vest was maroon, but for the bondage club, he wore a black one.  He instructed me to wear black as well, and paid for a one year membership.

In my dream, he paid for another year, and then, I think, he went away.

In real life, the bondage club people were very friendly, much like PTA members, or the good Christians or Alanons - sweet, welcoming.  The main difference was that they would spank each other for their birthdays, and then giggle, and sometimes the men would lift up their skirts to reveal their...behinds.

I write behinds because sometimes my mom reads this blog.

She got very angry when I said I was going to go to the bondage club.  They offered classes, on Sundays, where they taught various techniques, such as hot wax or caning, and I told her I was excited to attend the caning class.  They had handouts and everything.  But she said that people who did that sort of thing were sick.  She said there was something horribly wrong with such people.

I did go to the caning class.  I thought it was all very interesting.  It was like a park district class.  I hoped it would maybe inspire a story someday.

So, if my mom is reading this, I guess I am a deranged sicko.  But, they had coffee cake in the back room, and nobody got hurt.  I just listened, and followed along on my handout, and learned about the history of caning.  For example:  Did you know that the rule of thumb means that a man cannot strike his wife with anything thicker than his thumb?  Caning is therefore "okay," and became a popular way to hit children and women.  It's mainly a British Empire thing.

Oh, those Britains and their wacky humor.

Jen P., esq - is anyone striking you with a cane, over there in London?

Maybe this caning seminar attendance confession will bring my blog back within the fold of high internet activity.

Here's a link to an article about how one should eat one's eggs (and poultry) when H5N1 is in town.  I won't bother to summarize - the article is very nice.

Thank you.

Goodnight.

eggggsyummmm

 

H5N1 has been confirmed in a dead swan, washed up on the coast of Scotland.  The swan lay there for...gosh, like a day and a half, before authorities came to pick it up.  By then it had been torn up and probably chewed on by - who?  Cats?  Fishes?  Sea monsters?

I don't know whether H5N1 can infect fishes or sea monsters, but it for sure infects cats.  And dogs.  And pigs and all sorts of mammals. 

It's not long, now, until dead swans start showing up in Ireland and England.  It's not long now for the Americas, either.  In fact, I bet you twenty dollars that it's already here, somewhere.

Don't be too scared, yet.  Save your upsetness for when H5N1 leaves the birds and starts hijacking humans.  It could happen tomorrow, it may have already happened, or it could be a decade, or never.

Once it is confirmed here, in birds, there will be no more free-range chicks, no more free-range eggs.  What then, Whole Foods?  If only you had taken me seriously when I inquired about your bird flu preparations, and your lack of non-free-range poultry products.

If you are a cat owner, you will be told to keep your cat inside, since cats enjoy eating birds.  If you have a dog, ferret, or pig that enjoys eating birds, keep him/her in the house as well.

If you hunt birds, you will have to lug around a jug of bleach.

No more cuddling with roaming birds, I'm afraid.  You've still got some time left, if you're in the US of A, so I suggest you make the best of it, and quickly.  If you are in Scotland - hands off the birds.  Ditto for...almost the whole wide rest of the world.

That's my birdflu update of the day.

I had intentions to write other blogs, blogs about slivers and the "x-treme" advertising that seems to never go away.

Okay - here's my bit about the advertising.

When you hear the word "CHEEZ-IT," don't you think "benevolent, delicate orange wafers?"  I do.  I think - unassuming, demure.  This guy might have something to do with it:

Let's take a closer look at him, shall we?

A sweet man.  The Sunshine baker.  Jolly, welcoming.  Not the sort of guy to give you, like, the middle finger, right?  But check out the back of the box:

Unfortunately, the marketing world just won't let go of its hard core approach, getting all in the consumer's face since around 1994.  Frankly, I'm beginning to feel a bit put-off.

You can't convice me that Cheez-its, like, kick ass and take names.  I don't believe that the owner of a box of Cheez-its would tell a person interested in, perhaps, enjoying a handful of fragile little wafers...I can't imagine the owner of said Cheez-its telling the hungry party, "Fuck you.  Get your own damn box."

I was willing to go along with the recent radical Twix remake - you know, "Two for me, none for you," counting on the eventual, extremely overdue demise of x-treme marketing messages.

Now, even the Cheez-its see fit to scream at consumers.

Perhaps H5N1 will take care of these boorish food and beverage products, these raging, outmoded advertisers.  I long for the old-timey days, when boxes were sweet, when packages implored you to sample, nay, share, the delights waiting inside.

 

This headline, "BANGLADESH SEIZES INDIAN CHICKENS," is hereby awarded the...award...of being very awesome.

Sorry.  I've been putting together tax deductions for 17 hours.  Words don't come so good.  Still, I've managed to experience a high degree of pleasure upon reading this wonderful headline.

Here's a link to the article:  chickensseized!

It seems that, after having been seized from the Bangladeshis, the chickens were burned to death.

Dear people,

Even though this is just chickens, I swear to god, every day there is at least one more case of officially diagnosed human H5N1 (which is a hard thing to get - that official diagnosis).  I'm no model of pandemic preparation - I keep eating through my store of yummy disaster treats.  Still, this is so not Y2K. 

Hopefully, the virus will decide that it does not like the taste of people, or any mammals, for that matter, and it will stay inside of birds.  That's our best case scenario.  H5N1 does seem to be tasting people more and more these days.  After being tasted, people tend to die.

Don't get tasted.  And don't go seizing any Indian chickens.  I don't care if the Bangladeshis are seizing Indian chickens.  If the Bangladeshis jumped into a volcano, would you jump into a volcano?

If there were a chicken chasing you, and you were cornered at the edge of a volcano, what would you do?  Would some part of you be more afraid of the chicken than the volcano?

Would it make any difference if the chicken was an Indian chicken, as opposed to, say, an American chicken?

Don't worry - H5N1 will be in our birds soon enough, so you won't have to worry about your nationalist chicken prejudices and predilections getting the best of you for much longer.

I hear rumors that the pigs in India are loaded with H5N1. 

I heard a rumor that you were hanging out with an Indian chicken, late, late at night, in the parking lot of Hardees.  I heard that you had your arms all around the chicken, and that there was a romantic sort of feeling in the air.  I heard that you were softly humming to the chicken.  Do you know anything about this?

 

People and eggs, in a sexy way

People are still into egg-laying hentai, as much as they ever were.

Worldsex is also still very popular.

And, there's this picture from my blog that keeps pulling people into this site.  The picture isn't still on here.  It's the picture where I am kissing a llama, surrounded by donkeys.  It's not a dirty kiss; it's a sweet kiss.  I'm feeding them all tangerines in the picture.  It turned out that horsey/llama-ey things are not into citrus.  For future reference.

Anyway.

That picture is pulling people in through a google image search, and must be listed in a link somewhere.  I can only assume that it's the zoophiliacs.  Or would it be zoophiles?

I don't mind, really.  It's flattering.  Don't you think?

I would post the picture again for you now, but I am not on my home computer.  I promise to post it later on.  Maybe I'll put up some more sweet animal pictures for the zoophiliacs/philes.

ps - someone recently found us by typing in "ZOOPHILIA INSECTS."  Have you any idea how that works out?  My guess is - not good.  At least, not good for the insect.

Azerbaijan

The Director General of the WHO is spending some time in Azerbaijan.  Checking things out.

Here's the Wikipedia page on Azerbaijan:

mysteriousbirdfluland

I tried to find something exciting about Azerbaijan on which to expound, but nothing, thus far, has inspired me.  I'm not so into country facts, though, so please don't be insulted, people of Azerbaijan.

The reason I'm telling you all about WHO dude in Azb. is this - it seems there may have been some interesting human clusters of H5N1 infection in the area.  But that's all hush-hush.  Please keep it on the down-low.  Please also ignore any indications of other clusters or H2H in, say, Iraq, or Turkey.  Or Egypt.  Really, it's best to ignore the entire African continent, as far as H5N1 goes.  Pay no attention, unless you're watching to seen when birdflu might switch into panflu.

Panflu - very likely coming to a town near you, probably sometime in the next twenty years.  Or twenty weeks.  Give or take.

Thank you.  Goodbye.

ps - you all know that birdflu will be coming to your town within the next year, yes?  And you all know the difference between panflu and birdflu, yes?

pps - If you do not know the answer to the second question, here it is:

Birdflu is H5N1 that is sorta going steady with birds.  Broadly speaking, other influenza viruses found in birds may also be called birdflu.  Birdflu is making some people sick right now, but those are just little flings that haven't meant much to H5N1.

H5N1 loves the birds, birds all over the world, and will soon be loving birds in your area.  Its love for birds cannot be contained.

People are quite charming, though, and H5N1 might decide to start going steady with people.  It may or may not break up with birds first.

When H5N1 is going steady with people, and its love is not confined to a specific geographical area, we'll be experiencing a pandemic.

Epidemic is smaller than pandemic.  Pandemics are often worldwide.  "Pan" means all, and "demic" comes from demos, which means...people.  It's like, all Greek and Latin and stuff.

Thus, birdflu becomes panflu.

Thank you for reading this far.

sugarless

I hereby formally take issue with the adage:  If life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

To make lemonade, one must have sugar.  Where is one to get the sugar?  What if one has no sugar?  What if life has supplied only lemons?  There is no mention of life handing over any sugar before, during, or after the acquisition of the lemons.

I know some may think that I am missing the point.  If so, then they're missing my point.  Please tell me where this sugar is supposed to come from, and please don't say "the soul" or some other intangible-type answer.  We're working with things that can be observed with the senses - lemons, sugar, and lemonade.

Lemons  +  x  =  Lemonade.

Please solve for x, and show your proof.  Where, pray tell, does this mysterious x come from?

Thank you.

Nobody

Nobody comes to this blog anymore.

Sigh.  Is that because I took off half of the posts, and therefore have no more links from porn sites?  Is that because there are half the porn-suggestive words?  Have I unwittingly broken ties with the urolagnia community?

I dreamt about going to a bondage club last night.  It was this one I went to maybe two or three times before, with this person I knew who liked to wear a sweater vest.  Usually, his sweater vest was maroon, but for the bondage club, he wore a black one.  He instructed me to wear black as well, and paid for a one year membership.

In my dream, he paid for another year, and then, I think, he went away.

In real life, the bondage club people were very friendly, much like PTA members, or the good Christians or Alanons - sweet, welcoming.  The main difference was that they would spank each other for their birthdays, and then giggle, and sometimes the men would lift up their skirts to reveal their...behinds.

I write behinds because sometimes my mom reads this blog.

She got very angry when I said I was going to go to the bondage club.  They offered classes, on Sundays, where they taught various techniques, such as hot wax or caning, and I told her I was excited to attend the caning class.  They had handouts and everything.  But she said that people who did that sort of thing were sick.  She said there was something horribly wrong with such people.

I did go to the caning class.  I thought it was all very interesting.  It was like a park district class.  I hoped it would maybe inspire a story someday.

So, if my mom is reading this, I guess I am a deranged sicko.  But, they had coffee cake in the back room, and nobody got hurt.  I just listened, and followed along on my handout, and learned about the history of caning.  For example:  Did you know that the rule of thumb means that a man cannot strike his wife with anything thicker than his thumb?  Caning is therefore "okay," and became a popular way to hit children and women.  It's mainly a British Empire thing.

Oh, those Britains and their wacky humor.

Jen P., esq - is anyone striking you with a cane, over there in London?

Maybe this caning seminar attendance confession will bring my blog back within the fold of high internet activity.

How to eat your eggs

Here's a link to an article about how one should eat one's eggs (and poultry) when H5N1 is in town.  I won't bother to summarize - the article is very nice.

Thank you.

Goodnight.

eggggsyummmm

 

And the swans said "Macbeth," dooming all of Scotland...

H5N1 has been confirmed in a dead swan, washed up on the coast of Scotland.  The swan lay there for...gosh, like a day and a half, before authorities came to pick it up.  By then it had been torn up and probably chewed on by - who?  Cats?  Fishes?  Sea monsters?

I don't know whether H5N1 can infect fishes or sea monsters, but it for sure infects cats.  And dogs.  And pigs and all sorts of mammals. 

It's not long, now, until dead swans start showing up in Ireland and England.  It's not long now for the Americas, either.  In fact, I bet you twenty dollars that it's already here, somewhere.

Don't be too scared, yet.  Save your upsetness for when H5N1 leaves the birds and starts hijacking humans.  It could happen tomorrow, it may have already happened, or it could be a decade, or never.

Once it is confirmed here, in birds, there will be no more free-range chicks, no more free-range eggs.  What then, Whole Foods?  If only you had taken me seriously when I inquired about your bird flu preparations, and your lack of non-free-range poultry products.

If you are a cat owner, you will be told to keep your cat inside, since cats enjoy eating birds.  If you have a dog, ferret, or pig that enjoys eating birds, keep him/her in the house as well.

If you hunt birds, you will have to lug around a jug of bleach.

No more cuddling with roaming birds, I'm afraid.  You've still got some time left, if you're in the US of A, so I suggest you make the best of it, and quickly.  If you are in Scotland - hands off the birds.  Ditto for...almost the whole wide rest of the world.

That's my birdflu update of the day.

I had intentions to write other blogs, blogs about slivers and the "x-treme" advertising that seems to never go away.

Okay - here's my bit about the advertising.

When you hear the word "CHEEZ-IT," don't you think "benevolent, delicate orange wafers?"  I do.  I think - unassuming, demure.  This guy might have something to do with it:

Let's take a closer look at him, shall we?

A sweet man.  The Sunshine baker.  Jolly, welcoming.  Not the sort of guy to give you, like, the middle finger, right?  But check out the back of the box:

Unfortunately, the marketing world just won't let go of its hard core approach, getting all in the consumer's face since around 1994.  Frankly, I'm beginning to feel a bit put-off.

You can't convice me that Cheez-its, like, kick ass and take names.  I don't believe that the owner of a box of Cheez-its would tell a person interested in, perhaps, enjoying a handful of fragile little wafers...I can't imagine the owner of said Cheez-its telling the hungry party, "Fuck you.  Get your own damn box."

I was willing to go along with the recent radical Twix remake - you know, "Two for me, none for you," counting on the eventual, extremely overdue demise of x-treme marketing messages.

Now, even the Cheez-its see fit to scream at consumers.

Perhaps H5N1 will take care of these boorish food and beverage products, these raging, outmoded advertisers.  I long for the old-timey days, when boxes were sweet, when packages implored you to sample, nay, share, the delights waiting inside.

 

Bangladesh Seizes Indian Chickens

This headline, "BANGLADESH SEIZES INDIAN CHICKENS," is hereby awarded the...award...of being very awesome.

Sorry.  I've been putting together tax deductions for 17 hours.  Words don't come so good.  Still, I've managed to experience a high degree of pleasure upon reading this wonderful headline.

Here's a link to the article:  chickensseized!

It seems that, after having been seized from the Bangladeshis, the chickens were burned to death.

Dear people,

Even though this is just chickens, I swear to god, every day there is at least one more case of officially diagnosed human H5N1 (which is a hard thing to get - that official diagnosis).  I'm no model of pandemic preparation - I keep eating through my store of yummy disaster treats.  Still, this is so not Y2K. 

Hopefully, the virus will decide that it does not like the taste of people, or any mammals, for that matter, and it will stay inside of birds.  That's our best case scenario.  H5N1 does seem to be tasting people more and more these days.  After being tasted, people tend to die.

Don't get tasted.  And don't go seizing any Indian chickens.  I don't care if the Bangladeshis are seizing Indian chickens.  If the Bangladeshis jumped into a volcano, would you jump into a volcano?

If there were a chicken chasing you, and you were cornered at the edge of a volcano, what would you do?  Would some part of you be more afraid of the chicken than the volcano?

Would it make any difference if the chicken was an Indian chicken, as opposed to, say, an American chicken?

Don't worry - H5N1 will be in our birds soon enough, so you won't have to worry about your nationalist chicken prejudices and predilections getting the best of you for much longer.

I hear rumors that the pigs in India are loaded with H5N1. 

I heard a rumor that you were hanging out with an Indian chicken, late, late at night, in the parking lot of Hardees.  I heard that you had your arms all around the chicken, and that there was a romantic sort of feeling in the air.  I heard that you were softly humming to the chicken.  Do you know anything about this?

 

Comments

[Lorna]

(splenda is for people, not ever ever never for hummingbirds. *sugar* is for hummingbirds. sugar, and also little gnats they pick out of the air and eat. hummingbirds RULE!)

[Lorna]

I don't know about solving the missing sugar equation. I'm not good with algebra.

I had a lemon tree but it never made any real lemons, only tiny little shrivelled green footballs. I forgot to water it, and it died. So now when I have an excess of sugar, I don't bother with lemons. I make hummingbird food.

For hummingbird food, a 4:1 water:sugar ratio is best, but I do 3 1/2:1, because that way my feeder is the most the popular feeder, and I get ALL the hummingbirds.

Making hummingbird food is the second best thing to making hummingbirds, really. So sugar = hummingbirds = secret to happiness.

One way to get more sugar in your life is to switch over to splenda for all your sweetening needs. It probably causes colon cancer, but I don't care, because I really like hummingbirds.

[Matt]

Also, there's water. But since the body is 60% water, I guess that's a given.

I think the sugar may be sweet, sweet lovin'. At least that's what Nina Simone says...

I want a little sugar in my bowl
I want a little sweetness down in my soul
I could stand some lovin' Oh so bad
Feel so lonely and I feel so sad