Case Fatality Ratio

Public Service Announcement:

Say, did you guys know that 3 out of 4 people in Indonesia who contract the H5N1 virus wind up totally dead?

H5N1 has become a bit stale, a bit boring, mostly because one can't keep track of all of the new Indonesian cases without the use of graphs and charts.  Plus, the news articles and patient names are all in Indonesia-speak.

So, sorry if I've been slacking on the H5N1 front.  There's just not all that much new to report.  Officially, there aren't any new human cases in new countries (although my guess is that there are bunches of lying countries out there).  It's just a few more infections every week in Indonesia.

Even though it's boring (unless you happen to live in Indonesia), if anything, the threat of a coming H5N1 pandemic is...how you say...more.  Bigger.  More bigger.  I say more bigger because more people have been infected this year compared to last year, or the year before that, or the year before that.  The more people infected, the more chances the virus has to adapt to humans.  And, the more bigger chance that the virus is getting way better at infecting humans.

H5N1 has gotta get good at infecting people, at being able to get into people from...wherever it is that it is (chickens, they say).  It's also gotta get good at spreading from person to person.  So far, it's been getting better at the former, but hasn't been very successful at the latter. 

And that's where it sits these days - infecting more people, but not doing much as far as person to person is concerned.  Officially, at least.

See how tedious this can be?  It'll be tedious unless the virus starts moving from person to person as easily as the human influenza viruses we're used to.  If this happens, it will become not-tedious extremely quickly.  This is when you should get your Sam's Club/Costco card.

Have you all had your pneumonia vaccines within the past five years?  That might be a fun way to pass the time, in this current lull in H5N1 news.

Just wait 'till the avian strain hits the birds of Alaska!  That'll be exciting, no?  Wouldn't it be silly if the pandemic started here, in America?  Preposterous, no?

No.

If you are a hunter, please be careful out there.

I am now ending my public service announcement.  Goodbye.

Poor, poorest little rock

My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine...

9...

Sigh.  Mother Just Served Us Nothing.  Nothing at all.

Fetus in Fetu

The. Best. Story. Ever.  At least for today.  Please go:  fetus in a fetus in a fetus in a

I'm guessing this is going to be on Primetime tonight, so I suggest you tune in.

In the meantime, how about I find out some more information about this whole having your twin growing inside of you your whole life, parasitically feeding off of your blood and life force?

I don't know what life force is.  I think Nietzsche does.

Here are some stats from a study published in Pediatrics (June 2000, p. 1335-1344; Pediatrics article).  There are pictures on the website.

• Most had spines
• Most had arms and/or legs
• About half had brains parts
• About half had guts
• Almost half had veiny-type blood-carrying parts
• A quarter had private parts (please see previous blog entries for discussion of fetal private parts)

That man from the Primetime story - his twin had hair and long fingernails.  His doctor mentioned something about wanting to shake its hand when he first saw it.  He also called it ghastly.

It seems that the parasitic twins don't ever really get their own head, although they do come with their own amniotic sac.  To quote Pediatrics, "The fetus was always anencephalic."  That means no skully parts.  These kids (or people, should they get lucky to get away with hiding out for a long time) aren't busy thinking too much.

Most of these special twins (89% according to Pediatrics) are caught by 18 mo. of age.

Sometimes, if it's not caught, your twin can squish your organs until you die.  Or, it may starve you to death.  Way more hardcore than a tapeworm, don't you think?

I'm sorry if this is upsetting, pregnant ladies.  Please keep in mind that this is an extremely rare situation.  But, should your child be complaining of a tummy ache, or should any sort of calcified spine-shaped object show up on your child's x-rays or ct scans, perhaps you should look a bit further into the situation, before your child dies of malnutrition.  Keep in mind that, so long as you catch it, the prognosis is great for the host child.  The prognosis is not so great for the parasitic child.

Now we can add "fetus in fetu"/"parasitic twin" to the tummy ache list.  Hooray!

ps - You can have more than one parasitic fetus inside of you.  You can have multiple fetuses.

pps - Fetus in Fetu is different than the parasitic twins on the outside of the body.  Those are called acardiac twins, and Wikipedia, my love gives a nice description:

"An acardiac twin, also called the TRAP sequence, is a parasitic twin that fails to develop a head, arms and a heart. The resulting torso survives by leeching blood flow from the surviving normal twin by means of an umbilical cord-like structure, much like a fetus in fetu, except the acardiac twin is not enveloped inside the normal twin's body."

ppps - This is all different than the whole vanishing twin deal, although, if you had a parasitic twin, having it vanish on you wouldn't be such a bad deal.  If you have a parasitic twin, see what you can do about absorbing it into yourself, completely, until it does not exist.

An incomplete reabsorption results in a situation called fetus papyraceus, where your twin is flattened/compressed by you until it is like a sheet of paper (please see emedicine.com and Wiki, thanks again).  It can also appear as a tiny mummified twin, or a nebulous, blobby baby bit.

The incidence of vanishing twins is much greater in multifetal pregnancies, as well as in old ladies, such as those over the age of 30.  Still, the internet tells me that one in eight pregnancies begins as twins.  So, there's a good chance your mommy's body ate your very own twin baby brother or sister.  You should discuss this issue with your mother.  May I suggest a family dinner, during this coming holiday season?  Thanksgiving is an excellent choice.

pppps - Don't believe everything you read on the internet.

ppppps - If you'd like to do some further reading about this whole fetus in fetu deal, here are some nice places to start:

Thefetus.net says... that sometimes, the parasite twin is found in the testes or scrotum.  Most, however, are retroperitoneal, which means they're just outside the gut/organ sac in your belly.

www.seci.info wowee.  There is totally a photograph on this page.

Big words, but quite informative.

I'm done now.  Thanks.

Sweet Flies

I was reading Effect Measure this afternoon, and thought you might like to know some more about flies.  Here is what Effect Measure says (Effect Measure - Flies!):

"Now flies are admittedly pretty disgusting creatures. Insects have different kinds of mouthparts (biting, chewing, etc.) and domestic flies have sponging mouthparts. They essentially soak up their nutrients via a spongelike apparatus. In order to do this, the nutrients have to be liquified [STET] and flies do this by vomiting on the food to liquify it. After eating they also defecate on the food "(fly specks" come in light brown and darkbrown varieties, one being vomit, the other feces; thought you'd like to know). Flies also have very hairy legs and readily carry moist material from one place to another. Since they need to lay eggs in warm moist places, they frequently alight on masses of animal feces, picking up material when they do so."

Sponging mouthparts.  Now isn't that just the cutest ever?  Please, if you take anything from this blog post, take the idea of sponging mouthparts with you.

And thank you, dear Revere(s), for letting me know about fly specks.  I do wish you had said which is which color, just for future reference, say, should I be out on an internet date in a less than fancy restaurant, and feel like impressing my date, big time.

Big time.

I did a little search for "fly specks vomit," and here's what I've discovered:

• Flies enjoy rotting placentas
• "Fly vomit" is really just regurgitated saliva.  That's not so bad now, is it?
• There are flies called face flies, which feed on all sorts of bodily secretions, like tears, or mucous, or excrement.  They look a lot like houseflies, only a little bit bigger.  Check out what the Univ. of Kentucky has to say about the process (UofK - Face Flies!):

"Face flies use an abrasive sponging mouthpart to stimulate tear flow from the eyes. These flies lap up the protein rich secretions from the eye as well as nasal discharges, saliva, or blood oozing from wounds."

Super cute!  It appears that face flies spread around bovine pinkeye (Moraxella bovis).

Of course, I wondered next whether we could be infected with M. bovis. 

Sadly, I couldn't find the answer.  Does anyone wanna cry around some face flies, and report back in?  You should be able to find them on cows, or maybe horses.

I did learn that blow flies are the flies most commonly associated with decaying human corpses.  They are the ones that look all coke-bottley.  Pretty!  You might see them on, like, CSI sometime.  Those dead-people investigators can sorta determine dead body timing by checking out the blow fly life cycle stages going on in a body.  These things happen on quite a set schedule...little baby flies, all maggoty soft.

And, if you didn't already know it, maggots are good for you, should you have some gangrene.  If you have some gangrene (of course, please keep in mind my whole legal disclaimer, where I say I'm not in trouble if you take my medical advice), throwing some fly maggots in there is a good idea, since they eat dead flesh, not alive flesh.  They could really help you out.  They are God's gift to people with gangrene.  They are also God's gift to mommy and daddy flies.  Adorable and helpful.

Thanks, Flies of the World!

Dysphagia and a Plea

This is, admittedly, a partial repost from my myspace blog.  But, it is also a plea:

Please send me a note with your odd symptom(s), so I can give you some ideas as to why one might experience your particular symptom(s).

You see, this week, I've got dysphagia.  While my symptoms always provide a wellspring of research topics, I'm feeling a bit self-absorbed these days, and would like to know about your symptoms.  They might be way more exciting than mine.  And, we could both learn, together.

Maybe I could save your life.

Please note:  This blog and its typist are in no position to be doling out medical advice, and are not intending to do so.  We cannot and will not be held liable for any damages, injuries, insults, accidental deaths and/or dismemberments, garden variety deaths, or any other nasty thing which happens as a result of reading this blog, either real or imagined, sustained by readers of the friendster "Symptoms of a Girl" blog ("SOAG").  The reader of SOAG ("Reader") is reading at his/her/its own risk.  For medical advice, SOAG suggests seeking the help of a qualified medical professional.

Anyway - here you go - pieces from my myspace, the bastard blog.  Is that harsh to say?  It's true, though, it's true.  This friendster blog hasn't got a daddy either, but I prefer it, so I refer to this blog as...the better blog.

"[Difficulty with swallowing is] called 'dysphagia.'  Here are some of the possible causes I've found:

• MS
• Being elderly
• Cancer of head/neck
• Parkinson's
• ALS, the Stephen Hawking disease.  I am very smart.
• Stroke
• Myasthenia gravis
• Foreign body/ies, such as coins or button batteries.  Or meat.
• GERD
• Laryngeal nerve injury
• Sjogren's Syndrome
• Cleft lip/palate
• Globus Hystericus.  This means it is an imaginary deal.  I know you're probably betting on that one, right?  But, isn't button battery far more exciting?
• Xerostomia, which is a fancy way to say dry mouth.  I suggest you use it the next time your mouth is dry.  I assume you take drugs, prescription or otherwise, yes?
• Polio
• Anxiety.  Perhaps I should take a drug, and see if it gets better.  A prescription drug, of course.  You know, I was feeling a bit panicked in Starbucks just an hour ago.  A man in full office gear was humming and tapping his feet to the world music beat blasting through the world of Starbuck.  The song was a bit heavy for world music.  I'll give him that.  Still, I wondered why he was doing such a thing.  Was he really enjoying the music that much, so cavalier, dancing away with his foot for all to see?  Was he trying to catch my attention?  Was it some sort of courtship behavior?  If so, it wasn't the best tactic to win my affection.  Still, it did excite me, if exciting includes almost causing a panic attack.  Here's what happened in my brain:

Is he looking at me?  Should I be more friendly?  Should I uncross my arms, as a sign of goodwill?  What will he think of my fruity frappucino?  Why do I care since he is unattractive and was tapping away to that beat?  Why is that other girl so friendly?  How do they all know what to do?

Am I choking?

I wasn't choking, not even almost choking, not at Starbucks.  I'm only choking when I'm swallowing....

Please.  I beg of you.  Send me a note describing your odd symptom(s).  I've showed you mine.  Now, you show me yours..."

I prefer the real ones, although I'll take the made-up ones too, since I bet there's a disease out there that matches up. 

I will withhold your name and contact information, if that would please you.  I can even make up a fake personality profile, complete with first and last name.

I'll be waiting.